It has been said, the journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step. When you embark on a grand adventure you do so by faith, not knowing what will come your way or how everything will turn out. You set out trusting in God to hold your hand and carry you through to the end. If I knew everything that would transpire as I set out, there is a chance I would have chosen an easier, more comfortable road, but then, where would the challenges be, where would there be growth. As I have learned, one grows more through the storm than through the calm because the storm prepares me for my next step whatever He will bring into my life. I will be able to better handle all things and trust Him more knowing what He brought me through and how He lovingly held my hand, embraced, and provided for me along the way. I will not regret the choice I made, the path I chose because it has brought me closer to Him. Instead of being anxious about the future, I can have peace because I know more of what He is capable of as I have seen His faithfulness when I let Him take control.

Upon arriving at my destination, I was reminded of the journey which I took to get here and the thrill and excitement I experienced upon hearing the news of my new job, my first teaching position. Although far from home, I was determined to make the best of it. I knew I would miss my family, my friends, those I loved. However, with no attachments that would deter me from leaving, I stepped out and ventured on my own to embrace the challenges that lay before me. Knowing He went before me and prepared the way, I knew I could be brave, unafraid of what the future held. I do confess I was nervous, shaking at the very seems, but I knew He was with me as I relied on His Name. My time here has not been easy, rather it has been the most rigorous and challenging of my entire life. Just when I thought I knew how to be a teacher and how to connect with kids, my world began to shatter, to break apart before my eyes. I have never cried more in my entire life than this past year. From the moment I left home to come to this place, I have experienced every single emotion as I pressed on in this journey that is not over yet.

Relief from these trials would only come when I realized I was here to serve Him and reach out to touch those He had placed in my life no matter how difficult they may be. This relief came in the form of close friends and family who called, some of who talked for hours with me just as a reminder that I was thought about and loved dearly. These I will treasure always from the bottom of my heart.

Another form of relief came when I was once again reconnected with an amazing guy from high school, actually seventh grade. When I think back, which I do frequently, I remember him being one of the more gentle boys in my class. It’s no wonder I think so highly of him now because his character has not changed and he has always seen the best in me. When I close my eyes, even when they are open, and I think long and hard, I can see him smiling back at me giving me that extra bit of courage and helping to push me onward. I am not sure what will become of the two of us, God only knows, but I know he will always be in my heart whether we are together or apart as we are now.

In the midst of so many trials, there is the temptation to give up, to lose hope, to lose faith in the one who will faithfully bring you through anything. There is a temptation to look upon your circumstances and live by your feelings, but blessed are those who stand firm in these trials for they will receive a reward that far outweighs them all because they have followed in obedience and wholehearted devotion. They have lived by faith in the ONE who has never let them down. He is the anchor of their souls, the ONE they cling to when everything else around them falls apart. Blessed are those to whom this is true. Blessed are those whose God is the LORD.

I don’t want to settle when there is so much more for me to give. There are so many ways that I need to live and experience before I commit my life to the one my heart loves. I love him so much already, but I need to embrace this time of liberty in my life and pursue all HE has for me today. HE is my first love forever. If HE came back tomorrow, I want HIM to find me doing what HE desires me to do. This is the cry of my heart, to bring HIM praise no matter what happens in my life. Whether I am in the arms of the one I my heart loves or whether I am single as I am now loving and serving HIM. Let not my longing for him slay the appetite for my living for HIM. I love HIM first and forever. Everything I do is for HIM. I know what it is like to have plenty, and I know what it is like to be in want, I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. For HIS sake I will press on because I want to experience everything HE has for me. HE is the ONE my heart loves FIRST and FOREVER.

I seek your direction and your wisdom in my life. Just when I think I have things figured out. I don’t at all. Just when I think I know what to do. I really do not have a clue. My life is an open book from this moment. Where do I go from here? Do I travel over the vast seas and explore great lands in pursuit of my dream? Do I continue to wait for the unknown in a known land? How long will I remain single with the freedom to follow you without hindrance and with wholehearted devotion and obedience? When will I find myself in the arms of the one my heart loves? When will we walk hand in hand with fingers entwining along the sandy shore or sit and partake in long hours of meaningful conversation over a hot cup of coffee or Chai tea? What is the right thing for me to do? What decision should I make? Every time I think I know, I turn around and another angle, another probability comes to the surface. I need you. I need your guidance and direction as I seek you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I can feel Him pulsing through me every hour strengthening my inner frame. I am always with Him, He holds me by my right hand and afterwards, after I have stood firm in these trials, He will take me into His glory. He is my Sovereign LORD; it is good for me to be near Him.

My heart is torn by the unknowns. I am thrown between the lines of indecision, in yet, I can hold onto you. You who is constant, you who remains true; you who will repair my wings that allow me to soar like the eagle. My heart is torn, but you will piece it back together. You will lead me where you want me and help me to be all you created me to be. I seek your rest and your peace of mind as I dwell in the valley of the unknowns hoping that I will indeed come out soon. I do not want to fear the future because you have always been good to me. I seek to live justly, to love mercy and walk humbly with you forever.